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【SMH2015-01】友谊是悲剧的Friendship-Is-Tragic 开头故事



就在芝加哥市区以南一个小时的地方,坐落着阿米什人聚居地“Neuer Tag Dorf”,英文名为“New Day Town”。当地非阿米什人在有时会将“Neuertag”误解为“中立(neutral)”,并开始称该地区的居民为中立阿米什。由于阿米什人是众所周知的和平主义者,因此这个名字就一直被使用了。
剧透 -   : Just one hour south of the Chicago sprawl lies the Amish settlement “Neuer Tag Dorf,” or New Day Town in English. The local non-Amish population at some point misinterpreted “Neuertag” to mean “neutral” and started calling the residents of the area the Neutral Amish. As the Amish are notorious pacifists, this name has stuck.
西蒙·安德鲁斯(Simon Andrews)来参观这里,不是为了他们当地的白三叶蜜、农场新鲜蔬菜,或者令人惊叹的手工缝制的被子和服装,而是为了他们的一小群木匠手艺工人。Neuer Tag Dorf是UCAS提供一些不得不招募的最优秀的工匠的家。
剧透 -   : Simon Andrews is visiting this group, not for their local white clover honey, their farm-fresh vegetables, or the amazing handcrafted quilts and garments, but for their small group of artisanal woodworkers. Neuer Tag Dorf is home to some of the finest craftsmen the UCAS has to offer.
“Zeek,gew-deh dahg,我的老儿子,”他说,试图用宾夕法尼亚荷兰语打招呼。当这与西蒙自己的英语口音和俚语可怕地混合在一起时,听起来就像是一张拉蒙斯(Ramones)歌曲的蹩脚黑胶唱片。“我们喝露水”?
剧透 -   : “Zeek, gew-deh dahg my old son,” he says, attempting a greeting in Pennsylvania Dutch, the German dialect natively spoken by the Amish. When it is horribly mixed with Simon’s own English accent and slang, it comes out sounding like a scratchy vinyl record of a Ramones song played at half speed. “We-bishd dew”?
“Ich bin simmlich gut”(我做得很好),大胡子男子回答。然后他改用英语。“你们英国人,总是希望一切都能按照准确的时间表进行。好吧,你会很难过,因为我们今天没有完成预计的微缩模型。我的一个儿子已经把它们带到他的工作室进行最后的绘画。它们明天早上应该会干燥好了。你今晚就在我家过夜。”
剧透 -   : “Ich bin simmlich gut” (I’m doing pretty well), the bearded man answers. Then he switches to English. “You English, always wanting everything on an exact schedule. Well, you will be sad to learn that we do not have the miniatures done today as estimated. One of my sons has taken them to his workshop for final painting. They should be dry tomorrow morning. I invite you to stay the night as a guest in my home”
剧透 -   : “Yeah, sure. And thank you for the invitation,” Simon says politely. “I would be honored to—oh, Zeke, I think you got a problem there, mate,” Simon says, drawing the man’s attention to a growing tower of smoke.
剧透 -   : Ezekiel spins around, looks, and begins quickly shouting in Pennsylvania Dutch. Simon recognizes the word for “bucket”, “son”, and “fire.” Suddenly Amish men and women have taken up pails and are running toward the growing column of grey smoke, Simon follows. When he crests the hill the Amish have already formed a bucket brigade and are beginning to fight the blaze, which has surrounded the house. Several men begin to move a wooden ladder into place when the fierce galloping of hooves is heard.
剧透 -   : “Drop that ladder, you backwards savages!” Several brightly colored centaurs gallop up at great speed, like an untamed rainbow of vengeance. The leader smashes his front hooves down onto the face and chest of the lead ladder man, knocking the crew to the ground. The herd rides through the rest of the village, knocking over carts, upturning barrels, breaking open barns, freeing livestock, and setting fires to a few outhouses and buggies. Within a few minutes they are gone.
剧透 -   : Ezekiel and the neutral Amish fight hard to save his son and his son’s family. Simon watches in horror as the trapped mother, on fire herself, throws her youngest child out the second-floor window. Simon curses himself for never learning how to cast levitate. He settles on am armor spell on the airborne child. He prepares another, but the woman never reappears. It is not until the blaze is out that their charred remains are discovered. Simon stays up most of the night helping the burn victims with heal spells.
剧透 -   : The next morning the hooves are heard again. Simon rushes outside into the town square where he sees Ezekiel and a few of the other town elders with whatever weapons they could gather quickly, pitchforks and shovels mostly, guarding the rest of the village from a row of brightly colored centaurs. The standoff looks like a bunch of urban hipsters staring down exiles from a traveling circus.
剧透 -   : The lead centaur speaks. “Now hear this,” her voice booms “This backwards-ass community is officially under our control. We will be back in a few weeks to accept offerings of food and whatever small amount of nuyen you have managed to pull together by selling quilts on the side of the road, or whatever it is you fundamentalists do for fun.”
“我们不会被这种方式吓倒,”阿米什领导人说。“不要因为穷人贫穷而抢劫他们,也不要在门口碾压受苦的人;因为耶和华会为他们辩护,并夺去那些抢劫他们的人的生命。” 这是一本叫做《圣经》的书,夫人,《箴言》第22章第22节和第23节。这意味着——“但在村长说完他的想法之前,萨伊德·克洛普拉弓,搭箭,松开一支刺向阿米什首领心脏的箭。他倒在地上,死了。
剧透 -   : “We will not be intimidated in this way,” the Amish leader says. “‘Do not rob the poor because he is poor, or crush the afflicted at the gate; For the LORD will plead their case, and take the life of those who rob them.’ That is from a book called the Bible, ma’am, Proverbs Chapter 22 verses 22 and 23. And it means—” But before the village leader could finish his thought Saeder-Klopp draws, nocks, and looses an arrow that pierces the Amish leader’s heart. He collapses to the ground, dead.
剧透 -   : “So.” Saeder-Klopp paces back and forth a little bit. “That was the guy who was in charge, who is in charge now?”
剧透 -   : “I am,” says a younger man with a proud beard like drowsy fox, stepping forward
“你叫什么名字,小个子?” 萨伊德·克洛普居高临下地问道。
剧透 -   : “Now what’s your name, tiny human?” Saeder-Klopp asks condescendingly.
剧透 -   : “I am Ezekiel”
剧透 -   : “Well, Ezekiel, you are now my deputy in this village. By the end of the summer we will be picking up enough food to sustain a sizable heard for three months. In a week or two we will be back to check on your progress, and to pick up fifteen of these.” He hands Ezekiel a piece of actual, physical paper with a pattern for a garment on it. “You will take note of the logo on the rear haunch, very important. Also the colors to be used. Okay, Bronies, let’s ride out!” With that, the herd of centaurs thunder across the grass and over the hill, back to whatever nightmare factory they came from.


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