【施工完毕】眼魔的吐槽小纸条

[Rincewind]

想了想一楼留空是贴吧的坏习惯，所以一楼放简介里那一句

配合MM相关介绍和VGM相关介绍食用效果更佳。

简介 / Introduction

你说啥，斯尔嘉 Sylgar？ 不，还不行，我的鱼儿朋友。他们才刚来呢。或许我们还能再聊上一会儿。我觉得开饭前聊天有助于消化。

劇透 -   :

What's that, Sylgar? No. Not yet, my fishy friend. They just got here. Perhaps after we chat a bit. I find little conversation at the beginning helps digestion.

[Rincewind]

第一章：角色选项 / Chapter One: Character Options

野蛮人 / Barbarian

哇啦啦！我很生气！真好笑，我没感到自己变强了。可能是因为我总是在生气，也总是在最佳状态。合情合理。

劇透 -   :

Rawr! I'm really angry! Funny, I don't feel any stronger. Maybe because I'm always angry, I'm always in top condition. Stands to reason.

先祖守卫 / Path of the Ancestral Guardian

所以说，先祖就是进行繁殖、来制造在你之前出生的人的家伙？一共有多少人？
那可真是不少次繁殖。呃。你真恶心。

劇透 -   :

So ancestors are people who did the procreation things to make more people before you were born? Like how many people?
That's a lot of procreation thing. Ew. You're disgusting.

风暴先驱 / Path of the Storm Herald

你知道住在地下最大的好处之一是什么吗？没有天气。你可别把这好处给我弄没了。

劇透 -   :

You know one of the great benefits of living underground? No weather. Don't mess this up for me.

吟游诗人 / Bard

音乐很蠢。等会儿，我改主意了。音乐挺有意思的。再多来点音乐。不对，我一开始想的没错。音乐很蠢。不过我还是不会把你弄残，免得我又改主意了。

劇透 -   :

Music is stupid. Wait. I changed my mind. Music is fun. Play more music. No, I was right the first time. Music is stupid. But I won't maim you after all, in case I change my mind again.

迷惑学院 / College of Glamour

幻象？真是稀奇。在我摧毁你之前，来弄个看上去像是大金鱼的幻象——比如说像我这么大的！唔。太大了。永别啦！

劇透 -   :

Illusions? How quaint. Before I destroy you, make one that looks like a really big goldfish - like as big as me! Hmm. That's too big. Goodbye!

低语学院 / College of Whispers

声音大点！我很难在这些惨叫里听到你在说啥。不行，一点用都没有。只好停住这些尖叫了。那就把周围全解离掉吧。

劇透 -   :

Speak up! It's really hard to hear you over the screaming. Nope. It's no use. I'll have to stop the screaming. Disintegrations all around, then.

牧师 / Cleric

我搞不懂神明哪儿来的吸引力。为什么会有人崇拜我以外的东西？

劇透 -   :

I don't understand the attraction of gods. Why would anyone worship anything other than me?

熔炉领域 / Forge Domain

我有个负责伪造文书的手下。是个浑身墨点的小蠢蛋，字写的好极了。所以说锤子和火对这个过程有什么帮助？纸张不会烧起来么？哦对，火肯定是用来做蜡封的！
* 伪造文书和熔炉在原文是同一个词（forge）。

劇透 -   :

I've got a minion that forges things. An ink-stained little twerp with exellent penmanship. So how do the hammers and fire help the process? Wouldn't the paper get burned? Oh, the fire must be for the wax seals!

坟墓领域 / Grave Domain

我猜，如果你们既不能把尸体解离掉、也不能吃掉的话，把它们埋在地里倒也跟其他事情差不多合理。

劇透 -   :

I guess if you can't disintergrate them or eat them, burying dead bodies makes as much sense as anything else.

德鲁伊 / Druid

我一直很喜欢德鲁伊，因为他们富含天然养分。我相信每个人都应该像这样健康饮食。

劇透 -   :

I've always liked druids, because they are made of natural ingredients. And I believe that everyone should have such a healthy diet.

梦境结社 / Circle of the Dreams

我不会做梦，因为我从不睡觉。我总是醒着，这样就没人能偷偷接近我了。不过如果我做了梦，那肯定会比你们的梦大得多，因为我的脑袋大得多。

劇透 -   :

I don't dream because I don't sleep. I'm always awake so no one can ever sneak up on me. If I dreamed, they would be bigger dreams than yours, though, because my head is bigger.

学习野兽形态 / Learning Beast Shapes

即使我能变成什么别的东西，我也不会变。因为别的东西都不如我。

劇透 -   :

If I could turn into something else, I wouldn't. Because everything else is inferior to me.

战士 / Fighter

棍棒和石头或许会打断我的骨头，但刀剑绝不会伤到我——只要我浮在高处、斜着朝下射击就行了。
* 这里是在玩经典童谣Sticks and Stones的梗。原文是“棍棒和石头或许会打断我的骨头，但话语绝不会伤到我。（Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break me. ）”另一些版本里则是“但名字绝不会伤到我（but names will never harm me）”。

劇透 -   :

Sticks and stones may break my bones but swords will never hurt me - as long as I stay really high and shoot down at an angle.

魔射手 / Arcane Archer

弓箭最麻烦了。它们比眼球射线远上许多。所以我才一直待在室内。另外，天空被吹捧的太过了。

劇透 -   :

Arrows are the worst. They go much farther than eye rays. That's why I stay indoors all the time. Besides, the sky is totally overrated.

武士 / Samurai
*这条也可能是一概而论地吐槽战士。

所以说这些不同种类的使剑的人都有不同的名字？为啥？我也试试：大剑挥舞者和小剑挥舞者。不对，这样听起来像是剑的尺寸比较重要。不如改叫：拿着剑的大块肉和拿着剑的小块肉？

劇透 -   :

So there are different names for different sorts of people who swing swords? Why? Let me try: big sword swinger and tiny sword swinger. No, that sounds like it's the size of the sword that matters. How about big meat bag with a sword and little meat bag with a sword!

武僧 / Monk

我打赌，如果想的话，我也能成为武僧。
咋了？你笑什么？

劇透 -   :

I bet I could be a monk if I wanted.
What? Why are you laughing?

剑圣宗 / Way of the Kensei

为什么这个武士要过马路？……你问我“为什么？”……好吧，接下来是笑话部分：我是剑圣（我说不出）。什么，你为什么不笑？这个笑话堪称妙不可言，我的讲述也很完美。听不出来或许是因为你太蠢了。
* I Kensei和I can't say发音相近。

劇透 -   :

Why did the samurai cross the road? ... Now you say "Why?" ... Okay, here's the joke part: I kensei. Get it? What? Why aren't you laughing? The joke is solid gold, and my delivery was perfect. Maybe you didn't get it because you are stupid.

日魂宗 / Way of the Sun Soul

所以说你有所谓魂魄，但是你看不见也摸不着。你死掉之后，这个无形的东西就离开你的身子，去往一个你看不到的地方。然后你们这些人还觉得我才是疯子？

劇透 -   :

So you have this soul, but you can't see it or touch it. And when you die, this invisible thing leaves your body and goes to a place you can't see. And you people think I'm crazy?

圣武士 / Paladin

遵循誓言？听起来很荒唐。为什么会有人这么做？许下诺言没什么问题，但是只有蠢蛋才会遵守它们。

劇透 -   :

Living up an oath? That sounds ridiculous. Why would anyone ever do that? There's nothing wrong with making promises, but only suckers keep them.

征服之誓 / Oath of Conquest

征服听起来挺酷的。你得离开家来干这个吗？
因为我养了只叫斯尔嘉的鱼，如果我离家太久的话，他会伤心的。

劇透 -   :

Conquest sounds cool. Do you have to leave your house for that?
Because I've got a fish named Sylgar, and I can't be away for too long or he gets sad.

救赎之誓 / Oath of Redemption

* 这张纸条上有血迹。
救赎。所以说你因为做了某件事感到难过，于是就得做另一件事来让自己感觉好些？为什么不直接找个人杀了然后吃掉呢？这总能让我感觉好多了。

劇透 -   :

Redemption. So you feel bad about having done something, and then you have to do something to feel better? Why don't you just kill and eat someone? That always makes me feel better.

游侠 / Ranger

* 放在开篇，但很明显是在吐槽怪物杀手（Monster Killer）。
我就是个怪物。你打算试着杀掉我么？没觉得。去杀些地精之类的东西吧。仔细想想的话，地精也不是怪物——他们是人。所以你或许应该称呼自己为类人杀手（People Killer）？

劇透 -   :

I'm a monster. Are you going to try to kill me? Didn't think so. Go kill some goblins or something. On second thought, goblins aren't monsters - they're people. So maybe you should call yourself a people killer.

幽域追踪者 / Gloom Stalker

所以你在黑暗中四处潜行？除了人类以外、大部分生物都能在黑暗中视物，你应该知道吧？我们都能看到你。踮起脚尖并不会让你变得隐形。

劇透 -   :

So you sneak around in the dark? You know most everything but humans can see in the dark, right? We all see you. Tiptoeing doesn't turn you invisible.

边界行者 / Horizon Walker

你没法走到边界，因为它总会变得更远。嘭！我是不是把你的脑袋弄炸了？是的，对吧？

劇透 -   :

You can't walk to the horizon, because it keeps on getting father away. Boom! Did I just blow your mind? I did, didn't I?

游荡者 / Rogue

小偷最讨人厌了。我讨厌有人在我没注意的时候动我的东西，尤其是不把它放回去的时候。

劇透 -   :

Thieves are the worst. I hate anyone that handles my stuff when I'm not looking, especially if they don't put it back where they found it.

策士 / Mastermind

哦，动动脑子。如果这一带有什么策士的话，那也是我。你更像个傻士或者蠢士。不对，你完全就是！

劇透 -   :

Oh, please. If anyone is a mastermind around here, it's me. You're like a master doofus or a master dummy. No, you are!

游荡剑客 / Swashbuckler

游荡剑客是啥？是用油当剑客还是用游客挡剑？你可别告诉我你不觉得这个词很搞笑。
* 原文是一句拆词双关，很难翻译过来，感谢咖啡提供的译文。谁第一个把swashbuckler翻译成游荡剑客的，打死算了

劇透 -   :

What's a swashbuckler? Do you swash buckles or buckle swashes? You can't tell me you don't think that word is funny.

术士 / Sorcerer

神术？奥术？追究魔法从何而来有意义么？你要么就拥有魔法，要么就没有。幸运的是，我有一大堆这玩意儿。

劇透 -   :

Divine? Arcane? What difference does it make where magic come from? You've got it or you don't. Fortunately, I've got loads of the stuff.

神恩眷魂 / Divine Soul

为什么这么多天界生物长着鸟的翅膀、而炼狱生物长着蝙蝠翅膀？这也太随便了。应该也有个蝙蝠天使！

劇透 -   :

Why do so many celestial things have bird wings and infernal things have bat wings? It seems arbitrary. There should be a bat angel!

幽影魔法 / Shadow Magic

有些时候我看到自己的影子会对它放解离射线，因为我以为那是另一只眼魔。
* 这张纸条上有烧焦的痕迹，显然是被解离射线打过。

劇透 -   :

Sometimes I disintegrate my shadow when I see it, because I think it's a different beholder.

风暴术法 / Storm Sourcery

天气跟人扯得上什么关系？那只是老天为它离我太远而哭泣叫喊而已。

劇透 -   :

What is it with people and the weather? It's just the sky weeping and shouting because it's so far away from me.

契术师 / Warlock

所以说你是通过跟某样东西订立契约来获得力量的？或许是写在纸上那种？啧，管他的。告诉我这个就行：我能不能通过吃了你拿到你的力量？

劇透 -   :

So you got your powers by making a contract with something? Is it in writings, perchance? Well, never mind. Just tell me this: Can I get your powers by eating you?

咒剑 / Hexblade

咒剑。真是个炫酷名字！是说你的剑邪恶、或者带有诅咒吗？但是你却并不邪恶，对吗？...好吧，现在我不喜欢这名字了。如果没有道理的话，名字就不酷了。看看我的名字。珊娜萨（The Xanathar）。明白了吧？这名字又酷，又有道理。

劇透 -   :

Hexblade. What a cool name! So is your sword evil or cursed or something? But you're not evil, right? ...Okay, now I don't like the name. Names aren't cool if they don't make sense. Like mine. The Xanathar. See? It's cool, and it makes sense!

法师 / Wizard

看好了，我喜欢耍这一招。
嘿，法师！你施不了法咯。
喔，现在你又可以了。
喔，现在你再也施不了法了。哈哈哈！
* 可怜的法师大概是被眼魔宰了。

劇透 -   :

Watch. I love this trick.
Hey, wizard! You can't do magic.
Oops, now you can.
Oops, now you can't anymore. Ha ha ha!

战争魔法 / War Magic

战争魔法？是不是说你是个战斗法师（War Wizard）？我听说过这些人。我记得，他们总是穿着紫色衣服。但是你没穿紫色衣服。真扫兴。去换衣服。
* 这里的战斗法师应该指的是对FR的一个巫师群体。https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/War_Wizards

劇透 -   :

War magic? Does that make you a War Wizard? I've heard about them. They dress in purple, I think. But you are not dressed in purple. That's disappointing. Go change.

这是你的人生 / This is Your Life

所以，你是从哪儿来的？嗯。还有那些进行繁殖活动造出了你的人——他们还活着吗？哦。有意思。你要知道，我实际上并不在意这些。我只是跟你闲聊一下，好让我的手下偷偷溜到你背后而已。哈！弄得你往后看了吧！

劇透 -   :

So, where are you from? Uh-huh. And the people who did the procreation things to make you - are they still alive? Okay. Cool. You know, I actually don't care. I'm just making small talk while my minion sneaks up behind you. Ha! Made you look!

[Rincewind]

第二章：城主工具 / Chapter Two: Dungeon Master's Tools

构建遭遇 / Encounter Building

管理一大堆手下是很麻烦的。最后你总会恼火起来、吃掉其中半数。
如果你能对每个手下各自留意一眼的话，事情就会简单些。所以，保留十个手下就行，最多十一个。

劇透 -   :

Managing a lot of minions is hard. You end up getting mad and eating half of them.
It's easier if you can keep an eye on each one. So stick with ten, eleven tops.

随机遭遇：充满可能性的世界 / Random Encounters: A World of Possibilities

总有疯狂的事情发生。你永远不会知道会有什么出现在拐角那边、那扇门后、或是我把那帮矮人丢进去的陷坑里。矮人可能还在那底下。他们扔起来挺顺手的。有些时候还能弹两下。
* 严格来说眼魔是用念动射线扔人的，所以“顺手”这个翻译并不准确。

劇透 -   :

Crazy things happen all the time. You never know what's just around the corner or behind that door or down in the pit where I threw all those dwarves. Dwarves might be down there still. They're handy. They bounce, sometimes.

遍地都是危险。总要睁一只眼留心看着。
这对我而言比对你们简单多了。

劇透 -   :

Danger is everywhere. Always keep one eye open.
That's much easier for me than it is for you.

再谈陷阱 / Traps Revisited

陷坑实在太棒了！
因为你们这些用脚走路的家伙里只要有一个踩在上面，你们就都会掉下去！
然后你们还会受伤！这一点最棒了。

劇透 -   :

Pit traps are hilarious!
Because one of you walking things step on one, you fall down!
And you get hurt! That's the best part.

再谈修整 / Downtime Revisited

手下完成任务回来之后，有些时候我会让他们去购物。
购物就是，手下们把他们的东西送给别人，别人又给他们别的东西。
实在太奇怪了。
* 眼魔恐怕不会主动萌生出把东西送给别人这种想法。

劇透 -   :

When minions come back from a mission, sometimes I send them shopping.
Shopping is the thing where minions give away their stuff to other people, and other people give them different stuff.
It's so strange.

奖励魔法物品 / Awarding Magic Items

永远不要依赖魔法物品。它们太不稳定了。
一开始，它们能运转，然后就又不能了。
就在我眨眼的工夫里，它们就开开关关的！
* 眼魔的主眼会散发反魔法力场。这个力场随主眼的开阖而开关。

劇透 -   :

Never rely on magic items. They are so fickle.
First, they work, and then they don't.
On, off, on, off - in the blink of my eye!

第三章：法术 / Chapter Three: Spells

所以，为啥那些使用法术的人不能一直施法？
我就可以在我想的时候随便解离东西。比如说现在。或是现在。以及现在。还有现在……嘿，其他人都去哪儿了？   

劇透 -   :

So why can't people who use magic do it all the time?
I can disintergrate things whenever I want. Like now. And now. And now. And now...Hey, where'd everybody go?

[柴猫]

 可是地城软炸不就是对黑暗视觉隐形吗大人
吐槽太好玩了

[Amutona]

珊娜萨感觉就像一个蹭的累，太可爱了，

[死猫运输直升机]

* 严格来说眼魔是用念动射线扔人的，所以“顺手”这个翻译并不准确。

顺、顺眼？
“扔起来挺顺眼的”

[依久煌菘]

* 严格来说眼魔是用念动射线扔人的，所以“顺手”这个翻译并不准确。

顺、顺眼？
“扔起来挺顺眼的”

可handy的意思就是顺手的，趁手的呀（x

[阿珀普佩斯]

可爱啊（x